Thursday, October 17, 2013

Mourning - After the Move

One of my favorite songs ever is Home, by Phillip Phillips, for so many reasons.  It is so inspirational and uplifting, encouraging and rousing.  I have danced to it, twirling around my living room with my 20 month old in my arms laughing.  It is a favorite during the warm up sessions at my oldest daughter's swim meets.  I think of my father singing the lyrics and cheering on my mother (in spirit) as she continues to rock on her recovery from extensive back surgery.  So what does this have to do with "Mourning After the Move"?


Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you're not along
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home



Six years ago, my husband and I uprooted our children, said good bye to our family and friends, and made the 700 mile move to Texas.  Three months after settling into our new home, I was hit with a tidal wave of sadness over the loss of my family and friends.  It would prove to be a period of mourning for which this homeschool mom had no clue would be so painful.

(First Christmas in Texas - 2007)


Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found



During a four month period leading up to the actual move, my role was three pronged in support.  The middle spike was the most important, my dear husband.  He had to come to the conclusion that selling his cabinet business of 12 years, (the one we both sweat blood and tears building together), would not be a badge of disgrace or dishonor. On the contrary!  The entrepreneurial gifts that God had blessed him with had carried us to the next level.  I never entertained the thought of disappointment when looking back at what my husband had built for us, only to sell.  His success was something that attracted the attention of a major cabinet manufacturing company.  They hired him as the new District Manager for the Dallas area, a job that brought more financial stability.



Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave (wave) is stringing us along
Just know you're not along
Cause I'm gonna make this place your home


The second prong was incredibly important to me.  This prong represented my mother, a widow of only one year.  Losing her daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren was another "loss" for her.  Mom's heart was still so fragile after the devastating loss of my father.  At the same time, I was preparing my in-laws who were almost 80.  This would be a "loss" to them as well.  My in-laws would now be 1,000 miles away.

(Going away cook out at my mom's house - 2007)


(Going away cook out at my mom's house with my in-laws - 2007)


Prong number three represented my dear children.  How do you prepare your homeschooled children for such a move?  Their emotions ran the gamut from fear and sadness to excitement and wonder.  The amount of emotion I had invested in them and their sense of security drained me completely.  There are really no other words to adequately explain it.



Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found


What fumes were left in my tank were spent on helping my children find and make new friends.  This is the biggest difference between moving a homeschool family compared to a traditional schooled family.  Moving and entering a new school at least gives the child a chance to make a new friend the first day of school.  This is not possible with home schooling.  It took awhile to join or attend homeschool, social functions or co-op classes.  

When I was finally able to take a step back from supporting all the others, my own heart began to break in two.  It was my turn to mourn and grieve the dear, homeschool mom friends and family I had left  back up in Illinois.  Good mothers always find themselves at the end of the line, don't they?  Being at the end of the line, mourning after the move, proved to be so incredibly painful.  

The weight of this pain can crush a soul or make the soul stronger bit by bit.  I chose to grow stronger.  To be quite honest, the mourning stage never really ends.  The sting lessens, it really does, and God does give you blessings to help fill the losses along the way.  I will never stop missing being a cup of coffee away from my mother, but I have been blessed with a bountiful bouquet of flowers here in Texas.  My new friends have taken me to another level, just as my husband's cabinet shop lead us to Texas.

HOME



*  I want to thank my sweet friend, Jen @ Forever, For Always, No Matter What, for inviting me to guest blog on Friday in her series, Surviving a Cross-Country Move.  Jen and her beloved recently moved their six children from Michigan to Florida.

Have a great weekend and a blessed Sunday!

~  Patty  ~





3 comments:

  1. I can't wait to read your guest post!! I am sure it will be wonderful. We moved from Ohio to California when I was twelve. Your words speak what I know my mom felt. That first year was heartbreaking. For me, as a twelve year old, I think I actually cried myself to sleep every night for a year. All these years later, I see God's hand in our move and I am so thankful for it!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Patty! I love the new header photo btw. I still have that craft in my mind...

    First of all, this is one of the best posts I have ever read. The swinging back and forth between the lyrics and the experience is just...perfect. And I am so blessed to be able to read about your story here. You kind of alluded to your move in one of your comments, but this really makes it come to life.

    I was so relieved to read that you have made new in-roads in Texas. I can't imagine that someone like you wouldn't have a ba-zillion friends. But leaving your home base is so hard. My girlfriend had to move because of her husband's job, and she still feels like an outsider after three years. It's not easy.

    You are such an encouraging person, so no wonder you spent your energy worrying about everyone else. My heart broke reading about your final sadness, when you had time to think about yourself. You are a precious one, my dear. Never forget that.

    Thank you for sharing your story, a hard time, and in such a beautiful way. You have mad talent, my friend.
    Ceil

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love that song and you did such a beautiful job expressing yourself. What a journey! I am so happy for you and that "bountiful bouquet of flowers" you have:) I don't know your friend Ceil who beautifully comments here, but I can tell that she is a real gem! I agree with her and your mad talent:)

    ReplyDelete

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