Monday, January 16, 2012

Birth After Adoption

I don't dwell on this, but I would be lying if I told you these concerns of mine never tug at my heart.

With Baby Joy's impending birth, this is what I ponder in my heart...

* Stan's reaction now and in the future.   How will he feel being the only adopted one?  Where I know and David knows that he is one of us, we will have never walked in his shoes.

*  Will he react differently to a sister compared to a brother. Will he ever feel "less than" a son born biological rather than born from the heart?   (And I'm talking about the viewpoint of an adopted child.)

* These and other questions.

We would love to have some resources that someone highly recommends about this topic, someone who has been there, done that.

I do know one thing, as long as we (the family) always ask God to put the words needed on our hearts, we will not be misguided.  Stan will always know our love.



~  Patty  ~

9 comments:

  1. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I know that just the fact that you are concerned about these things means you are open to how ever he may be feeling. I'm pretty sure he will be just fine and your fears are unfounded. But as always we continue to pray and be open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I know you will!

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  2. I don't have any advice, but I am so sure that your love for Stan will overshadow any feelings of comparison. You are so in tune with your family's needs, I can't imagine that Stan's concerns would be overshadowed by anything.

    Continued prayers for your beautiful family!

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  3. Because you are already thinking about it, I don't think it will be a huge issue. He will have questions that change as he ages, but you strike me as the type that will take them head-on and not shy away from them. Be honest about your love for him and that God chose him to be a special part of your family, just like your bio-kids. And, don't forget that you have HUGE amounts of hormones in your adorable mama-body right now...never underestimate their power. Keep praying and you'll do just fine! :-)

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  4. Only a true mama could have such deep concerns for her only beloved adopted son.

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  5. It reminds me of my Hank. Though not adopted, he is the only child (now adult;) in our family that isn't biologically made from Rod and I. All of his sibs are blond and blue eyed and he is not. He is distinctly different in his "external looks." He actually wrote about feeling different from his siblings in his college autobiography. But then concludes "we have grown into a large family circle where love abounds. We are all different but mutual unconditional love is what we have in common."

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  6. Thanks for the lovely comments (and emails!) One particular email wrote EXACTLY what I had felt. Even though they are unfounded, the feelings of GUILT and BETRAYAL are very, very real. It was healing to know that others have felt that and it is "normal" (if unfounded.)

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  7. Dear Sweet Patty,

    Putting myself into the shoes of a loved and cared and prayed for adopted child...I can see that there is no doubt that your little BIG boy knows "without a doubt HE CAN NOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU!" (song just came on!) He knows how much he is loved and wanted by his devoted family.

    REMEMBERING I HAVE NO ADOPTING EXPERIENCE!!!

    But the question that arises in my heart as I look from his eyes as he watches the great love and joy transferred from Mommy and Daddy to the wonderful new baby would be whether he would start to quietly ponder his own existence relative to his birth parents. These may be questions and answers that you as a family have already addressed, creating the secure special guy that he is, but might the witnessing of such love new lived (from parent to baby) trigger more questions and emotions in him? Will he talk about it? Will he be sad? Will he get mad? One thing is for sure, your prayers will be answered, and the music guides, and your song sings, "Look into your heart..." (I just turned mute off to hear if His Wisdom was there, and heard the end of I'm Yours ringing true.) Keep loving, praying and TRUSTING IN HIM and HE will see you through it all!!! May His Peace & Calm be yours.

    So excited!!! Been praying and anxiously waiting!!!
    And loved the picture of that cake!
    Blessings,
    Janine

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    Replies
    1. Janine,exactly. This is what adoptive parents read about, study about, take classes on prior to adopting. So many don't realize that we are lucky, not only him. Yes! He will have these questions regardless of how loving and committed we are to him. Human nature. Thank you for your thoughts :)

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    2. Your welcome...
      Praying Our Blessed Mother will wrap him in her mantle and will shield him with Her Son's Sacred Heart and their Divine nature; praying BIG BROTHER will be infused with a heart of appreciation and joy for the gifts that he and all have, and will receive. May he be glad.
      Hugs...

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