Wednesday, June 16, 2010

My Umbrella...My Miracle

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This if for all of you who have lost your loving father.

About a year after Dad died, my sister Mary, my mother, and I were sitting and sharing how certain songs remind us of Dad. 

This is the one for me:  When The Rain Comes by Third Day 

I do not listen to it often...it is too difficult.  A lump always forms in my throat and tears threaten my eyes.  And they burn.

When I do listen to it, I remember Dad as ALWAYS being there...quietly...but he was always there for me.   Like an umbrella...one of those giant beach umbrellas that cast a huge circle of shade for comfort...

 As the song says, "...I can't stop the rain, but I will hold you till it goes away."

Father's Day is sooo hard for me.  I KNOW it is for my brothers, sisters, and mom as well. 

My heart feels torn in two...one half is filled with sorrow...aching to tell Dad that I love him...just once more...in person.   Oh!  I know that day will come again, but dog gone it anyhow!

And at the same time, the other half of my heart is busting at the seems with love for my husband...the father of my children.  And he is such a good daddy!

So....this is why I have to blog about my dad before Father's Day.  Both men need that special moment. 

And with a smile spreading across my face as I type,  I have another really cool story about my dad...

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The evening of the day he passed away, I was driving back home...it was a two hour drive...I was by myself ... when fear struck me down hard.

On its own, my brain decided to entertain the thoughts..."What if this is it?"  "What if there is no heaven?"  "What if our bodies just die...and we are then nothing?"   I felt a small panic attack coming on. 

Through my dad, my family had just witnessed a week of spiritual peace.  I knew abundant grace had been sustaining me when I realized that I wasn't afraid of dying... thanks to the beautiful witness my father gave us...and now I'm wondering if there really is a Heaven?  Am I nuts?

...and it wasn't like I could just turn my crazy brain off!  It was a monster all of its own!

I was driving and feeling bewildered when I  looked out into the horizon.  What I saw was the most gorgeous pink and red rays just blazing through the big, heavy,  winter, Canadian clouds.  (Very similar to the picture above.)

It was like a show of force between the rays and the clouds...and the rays were winning. With all of their might, the rays seemed to barely push open the clouds ...only to gently ufurl themselves like giant slides... softly touching the horizon. 

And they were beautiful!
 
And they calmed me.  

I felt myself fill up with a warm sensation of peace from the depths of my soul.

It was in those majestic clouds that I heard my dad say, "Patty, it's okayI'm okay!  I'm warm, safe, and at peace up here in Heaven!" 

Like water running through your fingertips when trying to hold onto it...my anxiety...my fears... just slipped away.  My faith hadn't abandoned me after all.  My father was still protecting me...through his spirit.

Even though it was near dinner time when I started the journey, those majestic clouds and rays stayed in the EXACT same place for the entire two hour trip home...with no sign of change or altering!  That is why I know I really heard my father.

The sky never darkened...not until I safely pulled into my driveway...and only then did the Heavenly skies close there curtains for the night...and darkness fell.

Both Dad and I arrived home safely that night.

 Happy Father's Day, Dad.  I love you!

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2 comments:

  1. Just beautiful Patty. I know he is smiling at you now and everyday. You are lucky to have had such a special relationship with your Dad.

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